Thursday, May 27, 2010

So close... and not so far

Well... day three of packing. I have decided to pretty much sell every single thing I own and if it doesn't sell then I shall donate it. Packing always tires me out and puts me in a nostalgic feeling. Knowing that in less than 20 days I will be out of the country and far far away from home and everything I know is so terrifying. With everything half packed and half scattered about the house I can't help but think that an era of my life is over... I have been waiting my entire life to move to France and here I am 20 days away from this life long goal of mine to come true and I can't help but be a bit sad. All the memories with friends that I will not have and all the movies still left unseen between my best friend and I, all the laughs left to wither in the pit of my stomach. It is quite sad watching my paintings go down and the nails coming out of the walls and seeing my closet empty and my suitcase full is a feeling that I have never felt before. Sure my life has always involved picking up and letting people go and starting my life over again... but this is different. First of all this has been my decision... second of all I always had at least one person I knew in the town I would be living either my mother or sister or some sort of family ... this time around... no one.... plus my language proficiency is not quite that well.. hopefully that will be changing.

Although I have chosen to leave I know that I am sad about it now and that if I would refuse this opportunity I would never learn to forgive myself.... ever. So now I sit in my room listening to Frank Sinatra and remaining nostalgic while putting all my books and CDs into boxes and hope that these boxes represent a transition period.... After this is all said and done I do hope that I will know more about myself and where I want my life to be headed...

That is all for now...

À bien tôt.

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